Fuck you Chestnut Hill Village. Incompetence running rampant.

Stumble upon tells us 33 health benefits of drinking tea. In other words; tea is MAGICAL. Yeah I'm kind of addicted to Stumble Upon now. Well, tea too.

Stuff that is new with me;
- I have my license :)
- I'm STILL waiting to hear back about an internship
- I think I'm developing some major social anxiety; yaaay!
- I bought hair henna, we'll see how that goes...
- My birthday is in like two days!

I feel like I'm in a creative funk. It's not that I don't have any ideas, I'm just not finding myself getting around to executing them. My recent energy levels haven't been helping out either. Then again I haven't been overly energetic in a long time. Perhaps one of these days I should substitute my exercise routine for some creative time. Hmmmm..

Hahahaha "terrorist fist jab".

- Still not completely unpacked, while most of the stuff that is still packed is not really needed at home anyway

- It's really hard to find a three bedroom apartment that is 1400 or less (in a good area).

- I'm going to Philly on Thursday with Tim, whee!

- Yesterday my dad's company finally announced that it's closing. My dad had been saying for months how they were fucked. As the treasurer he has to stick around for an extra three months for liquidation. Isn't that grand? Wooo no health care! It just happens my wisdom teeth have started to hurt too.

- I got my grades and I have 3.93 GPA

- I'm reallllly reallly tired of rain. :(

My heart smiles at the fact that a google image search of "milkshake" produces images of Daniel Day Lewis.

Even better, I have all my work done, I'm passing with awesome grades, and for the next day and a half I get to just hang out. Word.

So what's been keeping me from posting here? Shit like this and this. I think it's rather... interesting (I was thinking ironic but there is no irony) that my last few big projects all involve illustrations when I've barely done any illustration for school all year. I'm kind of pleased with the way it's going considering this is my first time using this method (ink drawing, scan, vectorize, color in photoshop). It's not that it's hard, it just takes a long time. When I first started to draw these, in the back of my head I was cursing myself for taking a harder approach (I really don't HAVE to illustrate all of these). But I know by the end of it all I'll be happier with my work and with myself.

However, I am slightly disappointed I can't be enjoying these last days I have here with my friends. If I want to finish this on time I won't be spending any spare time hanging out or going to parties. Boo hoo right? I'm not complaining. People going to other colleges have it ten times worse with their work load. I have to keep that in mind for now.

Not much else is new. I thought that I found an apartment for next year with Rose, Lauren and Sara but my dad investigated and determined the area was "unsafe". So we're still looking. I've been listening to The White Stripes too much. And drinking too much coffee.

Apparently I'm more fucked up than I thought I was? I kind of wish I wasn't.

If the weather was actually spring-like and if I didn't have a constant stomach ache I could probably overlook all the little things and big things that have been going wrong in my life lately.

There's nothing more frustrating than missing deadlines due to things beyond your control, especially when you've been trying in spite of that.

At least I have someone to lean on.

Nostalgia is fun! Most of the time. I suppose that's something that happens with many people around the time the seasons change. When I stepped outside after class today I literally danced because I was so pleasantly surprised by the bright warm goodness.

My "spring" break was actually pretty enjoyable. Looking back it seems to me I did more in that week than I did over the course of my winter break, excluding family activities/travels. To my delight, I got to hang out a lot with Ashley and Krysta. Ashley broke up with her boyfriend and then got back together with him yesterday (yay, I hope). Anyway, I also got to spend a fun filled day with my new friend Jeff (<3), go to the flower show (yikes) with my Grandmom, drive frequently, and hang out with my dad. Being home just reminded how much I really do love Medford. Most of the people I graduated with have their issues with it (it's boring? kids are snobbish or stoners?) but to me it's... quaint. I also know where stuff is. Haha!

What else is new and exciting (as my Grandpop would say)? I've been a bit up and down in my moods, but I'm not sure if that's new or exciting in the least. It may have been the load of work I had hanging over my head, the weather, doubts about the future, or a bunch of other stuff. I was completely dreading today (Fridays are usually busy) but it turned out to be a pretty awesome day. I love that. The best part is that I actively tried to make my day awesome, and succeeded. Although I didn't have morning classes I got up early to go into school and work, and I finished everything I needed to and completely aced several presentations/projects. My most hated class was actually kind of fun today! Then when I got home I went to the supermarket to buy flowers and fruit. Tomorrow should be a good day too. I'm going to China Town with Jeff. Then it's two classes Monday, one class Tuesday, and off until the following Monday! Pretty sweet deal huh?

So in closing, back to nostalgia. One of my favorite months, April, is fast approaching and I know that springy earthy smell will fill my house. My dad and I will make a cake in memory of my mom for her birthday. Instead of thinking about colleges and prom like last year, I'll be thinking about internships, summer jobs, and getting a car. And I'll continue my tradition of taking an April self portrait. :)

That's probably one of the most positive journal entries on this journal yet. Good ol' endorphins. I wonder if it's because I just came back from the gym? Watch my next entry be emo.

NOTE TO SELF/ROSE: Rose could publish a book that shows the results of drug use in drawing//the differences in the drawing styles produced by the drug.

edit: also, if Rose was a crime scene photographer she would move the evidence around to get a better angle on it//over all better picture.

"Fucking Asians! Christ! They could do anything!"

1. Pick your favourite 15 movies
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
5. No Googling/using IMDb search functions.

1. "Bonnie and Clyde didn't work alone. Thelma and Louise didn't work alone. And they were the best."

2. "You loved my father, I know. But so did I. That makes us brothers, doesn't it? Smile for me now, brother." Gladiator - Joseph

3. "There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend: Those with a rope around the neck, and the people who have the job of doing the cutting." The Good The Bad & The Ugly - Joseph

4. "You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste." Silence of the Lambs - Joseph

5. "I loved all the people, dealing with all the contradictory impulses - that's what I loved the most, connecting with the people." Waking Life - Christie

6. "So, which "r" you filled with?" Kill Bill 2 - Kris

7. "You want more mysterious? I'll just try and think, "Where the hell's the whiskey?" Lost In Translation - Kris

8. "He can smell if you're sweet. He likes sweet young people. People like you."

9. "I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius." Zoolander - Christie

10. "Sorry baby but I had to crash that Honda." Pulp Fiction - Kris

11. "Would you have it professionally framed and hang it on your wall to look at and remind you of your courage and incorruptibility? All you would need for that is a mirror."

12. "We knew the girls were really women in disguise, that they understood love, and even death, and that our job was merely to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them."

13. "It would appear someone objected to this union and wasn't able to hold their peace." Kill Bill - Kris

14. "She's in love with a dead guy anyway."

15. "Every time I put my line in the water I said a Hail Mary, and every time I said a Hail Mary I caught a fish."

I love girl's nights

It's cold everywhere I go! There is no warm sanctuary! It's not fair. :(

( I don't know why I want to write this, but I do. )

My past therapist recommended that my dad and I do something together to "honor" Mac, or just basically do something special together and remember him. I felt we should go to the beach. So on Sunday we headed to Wildwood. There's something nostalgic about the beach for me. Although the windchill was well below freezing that day, it didn't matter. Just driving there together was enough. On the way there we stopped at a bunch of little antique shops, and outside one of the shops there were a bunch of cats hanging out. They didn't seem to mind the cold or wind. I realized that there were at least three black cats there, and every one of them had their tongue sticking out. It was really strange, but funny. They loved being pet, and seemed to get kind of pissed when I stopped. Their faces were round and pressed in. I always thought Mac was much more hansom than a lot of black cats. When we finally got to Wildwood nothing was open. There were only a few cars around of construction workers. It looked like a ghost town compared to the bustling atmosphere I see there every summer. So we kept going and went to Cape May to The Lobster House. My meal was sub-par. On our whole outing I didn't cry once. Even on the long drive with nothing but our thoughts. I suppose I was done crying for the time being, because the day before I remember looking in the mirror I was actually surprised at how puffy and strange my eyes looked.

I thought school would be hard for me at first, but coming back everything felt the same. The lack of change for me was almost upsetting in its self. On Tuesday after class I knew Rose would be getting a lot of alcohol, and I foolishly made it a priority to get trashed, since I had never actually been before. At first I felt really nice, there just wasn't any room to think about bad things(which is odd I guess), but in the moment it was only the other people in room with me. I don't think I'm making sense any more, I'm really tired. But anyway. I ended up falling out of my chair, puking all in my hair, having the chair fall on me, and then the two guys there dragged me into the bathroom. Not to be gross or anything, but I never throw up. In fact, I've only vomited once, ever. So this was quite unpleasant and strange for me. I don't even remember how long I was in there or how much I puked but when I woke up again Rose was asleep in there with me and it was at least three hours later. I'll never forget how shitty that night was, or how completely horrible I felt for almost ruining their carpet and not being able to clean up after myself. I also have a HUGE ass bruise on my upper thigh and I don't remember how I fell but my the side of my face has also felt hurty for a while.

I know some of my friends would be ready to tsk tsk me, but I already know how much of a dumbass I am guys, for serious.


I had more to write but I think that's quite enough for a while. I kind of focused on the misery that has infected my life lately, while it really hasn't been that bad in comparison to all my other days.

The only comment I can make on today without sounding depressingly emo is;
MAJOR BUMMER.

It's been a slightly uneventful winter break, but that could be a good thing in a certain light. Relaxing is always nice, but after a while I end up thinking too much which gets me down. I ended up with a 4.0, but I'm really nervous about next semester for some reason. My schedule isn't what I had hoped for, although I get a day off. I get the feeling I'm going to be really stressed out, and that I won't be able to go anywhere I want, or even be able to visit home very much. Speaking of which, Mac is doing alright, but he needs to eat more. I want to take him for a check up but I know that puts a lot of stress on him, which is bad for him considering how weak he is now.

Enough of that, though. Despite a lot of down time I suppose I DID do a great deal over the past few weeks. In addition to a bunch of other housework crap, I helped my dad paint our family room, which is undergoing a make-over of sorts. It's going to look nice in the end, but I was disappointed we couldn't put our tree up. The house has been a mess because of this and I just want it to be done with already. I also went to Philly with Dasha, who I had not seen since the summer. When she left for school in California I was worried about her but she's doing great. That's all I'll say about that. Ashley and I got to hang out a few times too, and she dyed my hair for me but no one noticed. XD Tomorrow I'm looking forward to going to open-mic night with her at Starbucks (hopefully!). Also, Ashley just got her license! Woo! I'm actually optimistic about getting mine now, too. I drove around a lot recently and with minimal yelling from my dad.

And now here are some pictures because I'm running out of things to say.
( aw, memories )